This is part of a series of metaphors where I try to describe what it feels like to live inside my body.
(Me around 1990)
If you remember the 90s you probably also remember those magic eye pictures. There were posters of them everywhere and entire books filled with the visual puzzles. The trick to seeing the hidden picture was to unfocus your eyes so that you could look through the surface of the paper to see the three dimensional image popping out in the recessed shadow-box page.
I remember practising so long to figure it out and then when I finally got it, practising even harder to keep the image in view. Too often my eyes would snap back into focus and I would lose it.
Now I have the opposite problem. My eyes slip and I see right through walls to the spaces between the textured surface. I blink and nothing changes. I move my head and everything swims. I shake my head and take a step and it all snaps back into focus.